Life Among the Stars
by maverickiceman
Summary: A series of mostly humorous one-shots based on lines, scenes,etc from the movie.Now up:- Kirk has a 'checkup'.
1. I prefer Dachshunds

_**A/N: **_This is the first in a series of ficlets inspired by the movie. Scotty has a reunion with someone he'd rather not see ever again. FYI, I know more about TNG & Voyager, so pardon any errors.

_Disclaimer:_ Nero took my disclaimer with him.

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_I prefer Dachshunds_

Montgomery Scott, Scotty to his friends, was glad he'd let himself be talked into leaving the Enterprise's engineering levels. Nothing against the beautiful lady, but her replicators just couldn't do justice to a bacon sandwich, not one made by your own two hands that is. Keesner had disappeared, probably to climb the nearest chandelier. When it came to that green skinned midget, ignorance was bliss, as far as Scotty was concerned, unless you were having a technical problem. It just gave the engineer more time to concentrate on the buffet tables at the reception for the Enterprise's crew.

"So you're the engineer who managed to beam himself and James .T. Kirk onto a ship travelling at warp?" said a voice.

"Yeah, but I had a wee bit o' help with that. Now beaming three people from two different places on ta one pad; that I can take full credit for. Shows what those fool instructors here at the Academy know, marooning me on Delta Vega, of all places! With that monkey Keesner! I cannae tell you when I last had a proper sandwich!"

"Didn't they _post_ you there after the incident with Admiral Archer's beagle?" said the voice, sounding annoyingly familiar to the Scotsman.

"Now look here! That was a mist…ake?!" spluttered Scotty, rounding on his accuser angrily, only to snap to attention.

"At ease, Lieutenant." smiled Admiral Archer. "Just try not to do the same to your captain. The youngest ever captain of a starship is even more irreplaceable than a beagle; wouldn't you say?"

"Aye Admiral." The suitably admonished engineer said, sheepishly.

"By the way, I got a new beagle a couple of years ago, downright rascal he is too; named him Scotty. Why once he….." continued the Admiral draping his arm over the engineer and steering him away from the buffet table.

Needless to say, Engineer Lt. Montgomery Scott lost his appetite.

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_**A/N:**_ Beagles are cute, but Dachshunds are cuter. I should know; my cousin owns one.


	2. I’m A Doctor Not A Pain In The Neck!

_**A/N:**_ This one-shot was inspired when I noticed that Jim's neck seemed to get more than its' fair share of attention.

_Disclaimer:_ See previous chapter

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_I'm A Doctor Not A Pain In The Neck!_

_Or_

_I'm A Doctor Not A Ninja!_

Jim Kirk stumbled into the Sickbay of the _Enterprise_; it had taken the threat of further physical harm at the hands of Spock to get him to concede the conn and make his way there.

"Finally decided to visit, eh Jim?" came the voice of one Leonard 'Bones' McCoy.

"I just came to check on Captain Pike. How is he?" Jim asked, hoping to hide the real reason he was here, to get his injuries examined and treated. Personally he felt a long nap in one of the unoccupied quarters (seeing as he didn't have one assigned to him) was all that was needed.

"Uh huh, he's fine. Now sit your ass down, you aren't getting away from me that easily. That pointy eared hobgoblin had the sense to call ahead." McCoy growled steering Jim to a berth next to the thankfully, (from Jim's viewpoint) sedated Captain Pike. Kirk didn't want him to see how skittish he (Kirk) was around medicines.

"The Captain's stabilized, until we reach Earth, which would be sooner if we hadn't ejected the warp cores."

"Bones, it was either that or get sucked up by that black hole and end up God knows where!" protested Jim. 'Not to mention when.' he thought privately.

"Hmph!" grunted the C.M.O, probing Kirk's neck, which sported a collection of bruises, causing his reluctant patient to wince. "You better hope the rest of you is in better shape. What the hell happened, Jim?"

"Well Nero and one of his crew both had their chance to try and strangle me. This was after Spock tried the same thing on the bridge after I came back aboard, before that, he did that weird nerve thingy. You were there Bones, don't tell me you forgot! Not to mention those three hypo-sprays you used on me to get me aboard in the first place!" Jim was just getting warmed up when he felt a prick and the tell tale hiss of a hypo-spray.

His eyes widened, Bones was still in front of him with both arms crossed over his chest, smirking. He doubted even Bones' crazy ninja skills with those cursed sprays could pull off this feat, so that could only mean-

"Thank you, Nurse Chapel." Bones' tone was smug.

Jim whirled around, already feeling drowsy; he caught a glimpse of blue eyes and blond hair, before he lost the ability to keep himself upright. "You know Bones, you medicos are royal ..." he slurred.

"Pains in the neck, I know." finished his friend.

"Good." Kirk managed before finally dropping off.

"Next time," McCoy said, looking at his Chief Nurse. "Use the red ones, they act faster."

"Yes Doctor."

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End file.
